October 15, 2012 via mobile
Thank you everyone for your well wishes. Baby Michael was born yesterday, October 14 at 5:01 pm weighing 9 lbs 4 oz and is 22" long. Unfortunately, our baby boy is pretty sick and has some issues breathing on his own and had to be transported to the NICU at Janet Weis Children Hospital in Danville for awhile. He is a fighter and I know he is in good hands even though my heart is breaking without him with me. Please keep our littlest love in your thoughts and prayers'
October 16, 2012 via mobile
Please keep baby Michael in your prayers. He had a rough night and is fighting for his life
Please keep baby Michael in your prayers. He had a rough night and is fighting for his life
Baby Michael is still hanging on for now. We are remaining hopefully and praying to God for a miracle, it is all in his hands!! Baby is suffering from severe lung, heart, and neurological problems. He was born full term but aspirated meconium and was deprived of oxygen to his brain due to a very unexpected uterine rupture. we are going minute by minute as things could change at any time but we are cherishing every second we get with our amazing little not. I am overwhelmed at the love, support and prayers coming in from around the World. Thank you
October 17, 2012 via mobile
as much as it breaks my heart and as hard as it is to say without feeling like I can no longer breathe, we realize that we will not be taking a baby home with us. Baby Michael is very very sick and his brain has suffered too much damage to ever be able to recover. Our time with him is numbered but every moment we get is truly a blessing and I will forever be thankful to have received such a precious gift, even if it is for a short time. I am proud to be his mother. He is so beautiful and perfect in every way. Both kids have met him and they adore him so much. The impact this little boy has made on me, our family, and the World in such a short time is just astounding. For now, we focus on surrounding Michael with love and peace, saying goodbye and making sure that he is as comfortable as possible.
Last night, at 8:03 pm, my precious, sweet baby boy passed away peacefully in my arms. While his time with us was very short, I am so thankful for the 10 months he spent in my belly and the 4 days he spent with us on Earth. My life will never be the same and I know some of my toughest days are ahead but I have such a strong, solid support system surrounding me, I know I will be able to pull through. I find peace and comfort knowing that my baby is finally free of all of his pain and he no longer has to fight and he is now with my daddy in heaven watching over us.
Thank you everyone for your kind words during our family's difficult time of mourning.
Rest in Peace my sweet baby Michael Angelo Seguinot 10/14/12-10/18/12
Thank you everyone for your kind words during our family's difficult time of mourning.
Rest in Peace my sweet baby Michael Angelo Seguinot 10/14/12-10/18/12
I want to take a moment to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. The way everyone has been going out of their way to offer support and help to our family in our darkest moments just brings me to my knees. I have received so many messages and posts of love and support, I wish I could respond to everyone individually and I know I am sure I missed more than a few but do know that we appreciate every message, hug, donation, and kind word we receive. Thank you all!
God, please give me and my family strength to get through what I am sure will be one of the most difficult days we will ever have. I am not sure how I am supposed to say goodbye to my sweet baby Michael. </3 </3
today we said goodbye to our sweet, precious, innocent baby Michael. To say it was devastating, heartbreaking and hard would be an understatement. Micheal's time with us my have been short but I believe in all my heart that this little boy has made a difference in my life, in our family's life and in the life of every single person who has had the pleasure of being touched by him. This little boy has inspired me to do whatever I can to be a better mom, a better wife, a better sister, better daughter, a better friend and a better person. In a time of such sorrow, it is hard to see where any good could come from it but I am very confident that our little angel HAS MADE A DIFFERENCE. He will bring us together, he will make us stronger. It is unbelievable the amount of love and support that surrounded us the past few days and especially today and i know that I will never have enough words to express our gratitude but I promise that I will do whatever I can to pay it forward. Thank you all so much XOXOXO
5 pages into our birth story (which has turned into the story of baby Michael. It's impossible to tell the middle without including the beginning and the end). Taking a little break to go through all of my status updated the past year, it really is like reliving the entire pregnancy all over again. So much joy. So much excitement. So much love.
People tend to talk only about the negative aspects of Facebook and social media but let me say, I am so grateful to have such an outlet. It has given me a way to communicate with far away family, old friends, new friends, and a community of other mother's who have similar parenting beliefs. It has given me an opportunity to document each moment of my pregnancy that I now look back at and can smile. It has connected me to women whom I now consider to be very best friends of mine. Because of this and many other reasons, I am thankful.
People tend to talk only about the negative aspects of Facebook and social media but let me say, I am so grateful to have such an outlet. It has given me a way to communicate with far away family, old friends, new friends, and a community of other mother's who have similar parenting beliefs. It has given me an opportunity to document each moment of my pregnancy that I now look back at and can smile. It has connected me to women whom I now consider to be very best friends of mine. Because of this and many other reasons, I am thankful.
I got my sweet baby's death certificate in the mail today, we haven't even gotten his birth certificate. How unfair </3
A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels
called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile,
our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels
called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile,
our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.
It's our little family of fours 1st night home alone since our Michael was born. It is a little hard but getting back into a routine is comforting. Loving the heck out of my husband, 2 amazing children and of course, that precious angel baby of ours
Daddy please don't look so sad, mama please don't cry.
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.
You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,
Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.
So daddy don't looks so sad and mama please don't cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!
~Unknown
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.
You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,
Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.
So daddy don't looks so sad and mama please don't cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!
~Unknown
Tiny angel rest your wings sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand and see your tender smile.
Tiny angel, look at me I want this image clear…
That I’ll forget your precious face that is my biggest fear.
Tiny angel, can you tell me why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long…why is it you couldn’t stay?
Tiny angel shook his head “These things I do not know…
But I do know that you love me and that I love you so.
It's been 2 weeks since I held you and said goodbye my precious angel baby and my heart literally aches for you. You left too soon but I promise I will carry you with me forever.
How I long to hold your hand and see your tender smile.
Tiny angel, look at me I want this image clear…
That I’ll forget your precious face that is my biggest fear.
Tiny angel, can you tell me why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long…why is it you couldn’t stay?
Tiny angel shook his head “These things I do not know…
But I do know that you love me and that I love you so.
It's been 2 weeks since I held you and said goodbye my precious angel baby and my heart literally aches for you. You left too soon but I promise I will carry you with me forever.
today, for the first time since Michael was born, someone asked me how many children I have. I was kind of taken back and responded awkwardly "Two. One passed away, so I guess three." I never really put much thought into how I would respond to a question like this but as soon as I said two, I felt just terrible and guilty. I have three children who I love dearly, even though only two of them are alive. From now on, I'll just respond with three and leave it at that. I love you so much my three babies: Mason, Madilynn and Michael. I am so proud and honored to be your mama.
3 weeks ago to the minute, I realized this really was it , baby Michael was on his way! </3 I never thought it was possible to survive this long (16 days) with a piece of your heart so far away.
There was lots of tears shed after getting the mail today. Not only did Pete and I get a precious gift from my awesome, loving March 08 Mommies that touched our hearts but we also got a card from Michael's amazing team of NICU nurses. We are so lucky to have so many special people in our lives.
today is my hubby's first day back to work since Michael was born. We miss him so much!
Working on our birth story, maybe I will even finish it today when Madi is napping. I'm super excited because one of my closest friends, Emily, let me know last night she is editing more pictures she took of our sweet baby Michael. What a blessing she has been to our whole family! I can't wait to see them
Working on our birth story, maybe I will even finish it today when Madi is napping. I'm super excited because one of my closest friends, Emily, let me know last night she is editing more pictures she took of our sweet baby Michael. What a blessing she has been to our whole family! I can't wait to see them
today we asked Mason if he wanted to go visit Michael's grave site. He said "yes, but can we stop home first to pick up a book to read him?" I had to choke back tears, my boy is just so thoughtful and adores his baby brother.
I try SO hard to remain positive and to be thankful for the time i was given but today is just one of those days when I am angry. SO ANGRY. I just don't get it. How is it that there are women out there who don't want their babies, they do drugs and abuse their bodies while pregnant and they go on to give birth to healthy babies? I was NEVER more healthy in my entire LIFE than I was this pregnancy, we were so prepared and we WANTED our baby SO BADLY and I didn't even get a chance to hear him cry? His FIRST breaths unassisted were also his LAST. How is this right? How is this fair? I should be picking out his first Christmas outfit NOT designing his headstone and visiting his grave site.
Happy 1 month birthday in heaven to my sweet baby boy Michael Angelo. I can't believe that one month ago today, I was in labor and couldn't wait to see your handsome face. Sadly, I didn't know the heartbreak that was heading my way. I love you forever and there is not one single moment that you aren't on my mind.
I posted a few new pics that we just got from Emily. What a precious gift she has given us, the ability to forever look back at the few days we were blessed with our little angel. Amazing...
I made it until 9:58 pm without crying today..... The video did me in.
when people intentionally, willfully and knowingly take your words and twist them to fit their own agenda, it is easy to say "Karma, what goes around will go around" but you know what? Even though their words and inaccurate statements and assumptions sting my soul and bring tears to my eyes, I would NEVER, EVER wish or hope that the heartbreak I have faced the pasts month seeing my baby born and die just a few short days later be experienced by ANYONE. Not even my worst enemy or someone who has bought me and my family more sorrow in such a terrible time. Karma. Not so much, I hope those hurtful words and feelings die right now so no other mother ever has to experience it.
today marks one month since my baby received his wings. We talk about Michael daily because even though he is in heaven, he is still very much a part of our family. This morning, when Madilynn woke up, I asked her who she loved. Her response is usually Bieber (yeah the singer lol), followed by all her family members but today, right away, she said "BABY MICHAEL!"
I love and miss you my sweet baby boy.
I love and miss you my sweet baby boy.
I'm pretty sure I am crazy. By pretty sure, I mean I'm positive.
1st full day alone with the kids..... I guess life must go on.
You'd think I'd delete the contraction timer off my phone but I just can't bring myself to do it.
going to pay off baby Michael's headstone today. Never really thought THIS would be something I had to look forward to. </3
not really all that thrilled to have to call 3 different places to find out where my baby's birth certificate is. No, as a matter of fact, I don't have any discharge papers for him.
I guess I will have some good days and some terrible ones as well. Today was one one of those heart breaking, my throat is closing up and I can't breathe a single breath, it hurts more than I ever thought possible days.
Probably the worst day since Michael's funeral. It's gonna happen. He is my baby, living every day without him seems like torture , my arms ache for him, i miss him more than words can even begin to describe. And I will, every single day of my life until the day that I die. Hopefully tomorrow is better.
Probably the worst day since Michael's funeral. It's gonna happen. He is my baby, living every day without him seems like torture , my arms ache for him, i miss him more than words can even begin to describe. And I will, every single day of my life until the day that I die. Hopefully tomorrow is better.
Big thanks to my wonderful friend, Renata Miller, for the beautiful memory box she got for me. It came in the mail today and it is so lovely. I also got Michael's insurance card in the mail, still no birth certificate though.
Update on the birth certificate issue. I called the department of vital records today and talked to someone. Michael's birth certificate WAS recorded. I haven't received a copy cause apparently in PA, when a baby passes shortly after birth, they don't automatically send the birth certificates because some parent't don't want it. If you don't contact them to request it, you don't get one. It would have been nice to know this 5 weeks ago.... Anyway, it will be here in 15-18 business days. What a relief.
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| THIS. This right here is how I feel and have felt every day since I held my sweet baby boy for the first and last time but haven't been able to put into words.
woke up feeling better than I have in months, I feel so refreshed and ready to move forward,. Sometimes in order to begin healing, you have to let it all go and get it all out, expect things to get worse before they get better. I love my family.
December 12, 2012 at 10:03am
I don't have it in me to put on a show for everyone anymore so what you are going to get is the raw harsh truth. I'm sorry if it is hard for you to read this.
I am not doing well. At all.
I have heard so many times the past few weeks that I am so strong. I am not. What everyone had been seeing was a state of shock. A blissful state of denial. On October 14, 2012, it is like I put myself in the middle of an iceburg. Of course I knew that I had lost my baby but i really couldn't allow myself to feel it. Looking back, I am sure that it was a matter of survival. My body and mind took over as a way to protect me from myself beause I really have NO FUCKING IDEA how I made it through burrying my baby. How I have lived the past 8 weeks without him, I just don't know. The pasts few days, my iceburg has began to melt and with each layer of ice becoming water, I feel myself drowning. I am no longer numb. The reality of my loss is hitting me. Hard. So hard.
I not only lost my baby. I lost my life, I lost my family, I lost my heart, I lost myself. I have to rebuild everything. I have to rebuild a "new" life. One without my baby and I don't know how to. I don't want to. I am not strong enough and I am much too weak to. It is so hard to be in a house that has meant for you to raise your three kids in. Michael was in my belly when we signed the closing paperwork, Michael was in my belly when we moved in. His room is fully ready upstairs for him, clothing in his dresser, his crib made with his jungle bedding.
I had 3 kids from the very moment I got that positive pregnancy test on February 1, 2012. I spent 8 months shopping for my 3 kids, making plans for my 3 kids, making a list of good ideas for Christmas presents for 3 kids and trying to figure out what size clothing my 3 kids would be in come Spring time. Now as I put my 2 kids in their new outfits, I see a reminders of clothing I purchased for my youngest baby hanging up in a closet where they will stay. Because he isn't here.
I know my baby was born. I know my baby died but sometimes I find myself thinking about the future and I think "oh when Michael gets here...." Then I realize Michael was born, he died, he isn't ever going to come back. And I feel like I can't breathe. And to be honest, it is a struggle because I don't want to breathe. I know I need to though. I want to collapse in tears, be alone, pull the covers over my head and just cry. I want to be alone with my greif so that I can just feel it. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning but I have two kids still here who need me so I do.
It is so hard to sleep. It is so hard to go to bed when I know that the last thing I see before I drift off will be my sweet, beautiful baby boy gasping for air. Trying desperately to get air into his broken little lungs. Taking his last breaths. I wake up more times during the night than I would if I had a newborn to tend to.
I had my post pardum appointment yesterday. I broke down. Seeing babies and pregnant women was just too much for my heart after having such a hard day. It was torture. Then, I continued to break down when they took me back with the Dr and student there. I could see them cry. I should have been sitting there, holding my cute little 8 week old baby, showing him off, comforting him if he cried. Instead, while I sat waiting to be seen, I wrapped my arms around myself and sobbed. I realized that it was exactly 8 weeks snce I said my final goodbye to him. 8 weeks since I saw him in his tiny little coffin and kissed his cold lips and stroked his soft beautiful hair. We talked about birth control because it isn't healthy for me to get pregnant. It seems so wrong to have to start on birth control, meant to prevent a pregnancy, when I want nothing more than to get pregnant. I know getting pregnant would be dangerous and risky but it doesn't make me want it any less.
It is supposed to get easier. Not harder. I am not looking forward to a life of feeling like this.
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